Apologies for the long gap since the last post.
Boys, young innocent boys during adolescence, transform into or become hot blooded young men. Many would suggest that a boy leaps into manhood straight away after puberty, I personally feel that that is not the case.
I feel that before a boy becomes a man, he would have to go through the most difficult or challenging phase of his life, and that is the phase of being a ‘hot blooded young man’. In this phase, the challenge is not so much physical but more so emotional, it is inevitable that guys in this phase would develop strong feelings for members of the opposite sex, which is entirely natural and healthy, speaking biologically and psychologically.
What contributes to the challenge of developing such feelings is the misconception between the feelings of lust and love, on that I wish not to dwell too much upon.
I have never been in relationships with girls, but I have longed to. To be specific, there were two girls who troubled me deeply……and CONSECUTIVELY.
The first one I have known for three years maybe? Maybe the feelings I had towards her did sprout from lust, but I believe that it has gone passed that and maybe even into love. I wrote her a letter, (yes, who even writes letters these days?!) telling her how I felt. Writing the letter was a stroll in the park, actually giving the letter to her was hell.
It was indeed decent of her to reply, because I had feared that she may actually not even reply. Her reply was devastating as it is warm. She apologised, saying that she too has a crush on someone in her college, which I respect fully. I did not get the reply I wanted, but at least I got liberated. All I wish now is for all her best and to remain friends.
After so severe a blow to the head, recuperating, I thought I could finally stop falling for girls and allocate all my time and concentration towards my studies, I was dead wrong, haha.
I tried doing things to keep me occupied i.e. attending public lectures, talks, participating in moot courts. But soon again there came a strong tugging at my heartstrings by one of my classmates, this time the torment it caused me was way worse than the first.
I got false hopes that I might have a chance to successfully woo her, but a while later it came to my knowledge that she is already in a relationship with another guy, and such knowledge set a flame alight within my bosom. The details of this encounter I wish to keep private, hahaha because I am still not sure what my next course of action will be.
What I’m trying to say is, it is perfectly normal to experience these types of Conundrums which make you question yourself, whether you should fight on foolhardily or to gracefully withdraw from the race. Whatever your option, no one on earth can criticise that option for being wrong. Whatever your option, you grow, you understand how life works in its mysterious ways better. After quitting from two ‘races’ , and counting, I find solace in the fact that I have learnt to cope with losses and rejection, which is something that people should learn, failing which might lead to severe depression and even the tendency to commit suicide.
In short, embrace these conundrums, be mindful of such feelings, and once you get pass them, you’ll be sure to look back on them with a smile on your face.
CHAIW KIN HOONG
Image, one of the many waterfalls taken at Jiu Zhai Gou National Park, Szechuan China during my 2015 trip.